I have been sleeping for more than 16 hours everyday. I am told the best way to get over your sickness is to sleep through it. It doesn't take much out of me. I swallow my medicine, switch the fan off, wrap half a quilt around and shut my eyes. I sleep well. That's perhaps the only time when I feel well. At all other times I feel drowsy - sleep and sleeplessness overlap each other, I feel weak - there is a strange ache at the back of my head, and I feel depressed.
Sickness is depressive. You feel terrible for yourself. You drown in self pity, your body refuses to stand by you and your mind just has too much time to think. So you think of all sorts of things. Useless things. About ghosts from your past and of potential ghosts of the future.
I tried to get out of the house today to catch a film with friends. I was rather excited given that I have been on house arrest for all these days. But as fate would have it, we got stuck in traffic, decided not to watch the movie, couldn't find another place for cheap tickets so drove back. I felt sick again. I got out of the car at some point and caught an auto back home. I cried incessantly. Till I was back in my bed and in the same place where I could allow myself to slip into the oblivion of my sleep. I slept for hours. Woke up. Lost.
I have been thinking why I cried so much. Felt bad for my self I guess, irritated at the thought of not having enough energy to stay out or depressed for being rejected by a friend who I loved so much. A friend who used to treat me and my sickness with a lot more love and a lot more warmth.
See. Too much time to think.